Please play the video above and read below while this plays on the background
I’ve always found the typical relationship stuff cliché—going out, celebrating Valentine's Day, taking pictures, and all that. I’ve never really done that with anyone, and there are hardly any pictures of me in anyone’s memory, except with family (though you’ve come to feel like family too). But I have done those things for someone—not because I was forced (well, maybe a little)—but more because of that one chemical imbalance we all experience: love.
Being in a relationship has been hard, I can’t deny that. And it’s especially hard to tolerate you at times. But I guess my love for you outweighs my tolerance threshold, or anything else in the world.
I don’t usually share feelings like this—I’m not comfortable with it. I’ve only ever done it when I’m too drunk or writing, because both have a deep intoxicating effect on me. These are the only two things that help me express what’s in my heart. That’s why I never like to talk about the things I tell you when I’m drunk. But trust me, drunk me is right—I really do feel all of that for you.
You often ask me if I’ll always be there for you or if I’ll cheat on you. To be honest, I don’t know what I’ll do. It’s the future, and that’s hard to predict, especially since I tend to get bored of things when they get too monotonous. But one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that I can’t bear to see you cry or get hurt. It’s selfish, but the pain I feel when you’re hurting is unbearable for me.
If you die before our wedding (as you’ve asked me), I can’t even think ahead to what my life would be like. I don’t think of my life without certain people—my mom, dad, sister, and YOU. I won’t send this to you on WhatsApp, but I will wish you a happy birthday. I’ve known you for many years, and every day with you feels like a new beginning, a new version of you. I know how much you miss your little sister, and I miss my little sister too. I’ll remind you of her at every moment, on every occasion—you’ll always find a part of her in me (not in any sexual way).
I can’t make a video like you did with our pictures, and this message doesn’t come with any photos, because the real us can’t be captured in pictures—it never could be. All the playful teasing, the “khunsuti,” we can’t capture even one percent of the real thing we share.
For every hypothetical "what if I die" question, my answer is:
I LOVE YOU. I WILL KEEP LOVING YOU. I CAN’T IMAGINE A DAY WITHOUT YOU.
And if you die, believe me, a part of me will die too. I’ll never stop loving the cutest woman on earth. But if you do die, I promise I won’t do anything wrong—I’ll live for you, even though I won’t want to, and I’ll live out all your dreams. You are my star today, and you’ll still be my star after you’re gone.
If you die, I have a song dedicated to you:
*"Don't stay awake for too long
Don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
I'll get you up and going out of bed"*
I wish it could be me, but I won't make it off this bed
I hope I go to heaven, so I see you once again
My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings
Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending
*...And I don't wanna fall asleep
I don't wanna pass away
I've been thinking of our future, 'cause I'll never see those days
I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it
I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect
I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health
When I leave this earth, hoping you'll find someone else..."*
I can’t make you happy with gifts, but I love you with everything I have.